Nothing else could please me more than being used by God. I experienced that great joy through a conversation with J.L. (a non-Christian) this afternoon. Praise God!
From Little J., I recalled the former me ― a perfectionist, who desired to be good at everything but avoided to face my weaknesses, who sought validation from outside but failed to feed my heart, and who pretended to be strong even in front of my family and friends but isolated myself from their support. How insecure I used to be!
So when J. cried, my heart resonated with her. I knew how awful she felt: unwanted and helpless, like a loser. But what she perceived herself to be was wrong, what she pursued was fruitless, and what she seemed to have achieved was unsatisfying. Because she didn’t realize that she is always loved by God and wanted by Him, that her mission is to reach God and worship Him, and that God never changes, unlike grades, work, and people.
How can we be perfect? We are human. We were born imperfect, and that’s why we need Jesus to save us from our sins. We must permit ourselves to be human because that’s who we are. But it doesn’t mean we can feel free to make mistakes and live without principles. We should correct our hearts and behaviors and do what we can do under God’s leading.
And how can we be good at everything? Only God can. We should be humble and submit to Him because He is almighty; we should depend on Him to fulfill the best plans He assigned to us; we should trust Him because his power is far beyond our knowledge. If we have that faith, then when things don’t work out after we’ve tried our best, we can keep peace with ourselves.
I’d like to refer to a sentence learned from BCEC this morning, “It is God who is the driver of the car of our life, not we.” We are so shortsighted and narrow-minded when comparing with Him, the creator of everything. Will it do us any good to take the charge of our life from Him? Father can’t love us more and He wants to be good with His hands. Knowing this, we wouldn’t torture ourselves with unachievable goals to challenge ourselves and to win others’ appraise and admiration.
We’re not living for others, nor for ourselves, but for God; we’re living to be used by Him; and we’re living to be more and more like Him.
Although I shared with her how I comprehended God and how I saw her confusion and depression from the perspective of a “baby” Christian in a non-Christian language, J. could understand what I meant. To some extent, I eliminated her doubts about her abilities and characters, and dispelled her fear that she was unwanted. She smiled and felt relieved in the end of our conversation.
I am really happy that I can help her by some means. I am grateful that I can be used by God to transmit His love and wisdom to His other children. I appreciate God that He enabled me to be compassionate and empathetic through challenging me with hardship and failures. I pray for J. that God will help her to seek answers and find her way in His realm.
The verses for today:
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged.2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7: 1-5)
7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7: 7-11)
12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7: 12)