How are you? Are you in heaven looking at me with a smile?
I miss you. I miss the time you prepared every meal for me, the time you sent me to school, the time you taught me Chinese history and erhu (known as “Chinese violin”), the time you bought me ice cream from peddlers, and the time I begged you to tell me the story of how your three-month-daughter cried and tortured you and your wife in your trip to Changchun.
Papa, I still remember how we improvised funny songs to ease my anger caused by my thought that my mom went on a business trip because she didn’t love me. And I remember you spent so much time and efforts helping my classmates and me make a fabulous chorus and conducting our performance.
Sorry, papa, I didn’t do my best as a daughter, especially when you were in agony of cancer. But I want you to know I cared about you. Every time I saw your painful movement and cough, my heart hurt. I cried because I couldn’t help you but watch you suffer. I had bitterness because of our blocked communication and vulnerable relationship since my high school, so I avoided facing our problem and your pain. I failed in the test of love.
But I’m glad you are no longer suffering pain now. You must be walking with Jesus, free and joyfully. You know all my heart and care about me as always. The moments I cry, you cry with me; when I laugh, you laugh too; when I’m in danger, you protect me.
I am doing great, papa. Life is hard, but with our God’s guidance and the love from many brothers and sisters, I’m becoming more and more fearless and optimistic. I still will fail and cry, but I know I’ll recover quicker and grow stronger.
I am so proud of being your daughter. Your perseverance, endurance, and diligence have always encouraged me to follow your example. Your humbleness and thoughtfulness have reminded me to treat people the way I want to be treated. Your passion for music and reading has influenced me to enjoy life with singing and writing.
I love you, papa. Thank you for being my papa. I’ll take good care of myself and love our families, looking after them for you.
Give me a hug in dream tonight, ok? Talk to you later, papa.