I always thought I wasn’t easily pissed off, but yesterday I witnessed how I could easily be affected and how self-righteous I was.

I became a small group leader in BU’s InterVarsity International Students Ministry this semester, meaning I led the Bible study every Thursday. It had been going well in the past weeks, so I thought I was doing a good job. But yesterday I was challenged by God: a visiting scholar from China who had a record of talking a lot about himself and asking tough (even offensive) questions came to my team. I was scared at the very beginning and thus switched to a protective and judgmental mode. I avoided eye contact with him as I learned from the knowledge of focus group, I lost patience when he asked questions, and I didn’t give him enough time to finish his comments. I was being rude inside.

I failed in God’s test. Arrogance and fear of losing control prevented me from loving people. Oh, God, please forgive me!

Last night I talked to sister Ada and confessed to her about my mistake. “We ourselves are not perfect,” Ada said, “We are sinful people ourselves. If we judge people, are we any better than them?”

Yes and indeed, God is the only judge. Instead of judging, I should stay humble and love others as I love myself. God, please bless me with love, wisdom, and a kind heart!


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