It’s almost been half a year. No updates — for fear that I would expose the self-justification, self-righteousness, self-pity, and self-consciousness deep inside of my broken soul.
Then all of a sudden I realized how many good moments I’d lost at the same time. I owed Him all those memories that could keep track of God’s love for me
how He brought two beautiful sisters in my life as my accountability partners,
how He has been strengthening my relationships with my mom and extended families, and most importantly, how He has been healing me according to His compassion and promises of forgiveness.
“2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s” (Psalm 103: 2-5, ESV).
“God doesn’t owe us anything. We owe Him everything,” a pastor (maybe P. Rick Warren?) once said. Indeed, as I am already dead to this world (and the world to me), whom should I live for? None but my Creator, Father, Redeemer, Savior, and Defender, Jesus Christ, our Prince of Peace.
How I want to experience this longing for and trust in You more real! How I want to love You and follow You radically and single-mindedly? LORD, “I believe, help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24, ESV).
Yes, please help my unbelief, especially at this point of time — I’ve decided to apply for a doctor’s degree in higher education administration after this half year’s feeling lost and thus being speechless when asked “How are you doing?”.
Father, I surrender this plan to You because You are the LORD of all, because You know what You are doing, and because that’s what You command me to do. Yes, LORD, may this new challenge bring glory to You from the beginning to the end. Therefore, I will record my decisions and steps and Your answers here in this blog to witness to Your abundance and faithfulness.
I remember one day my Heavenly Father told me this in Isaiah 43,
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
And I will obey.