Even though it is like a chasing after the wind…

“God is good. God is good.”

The way how Francis Chan preached it is just impressive. I like his sermons, especially the Fearless Part 2. I like how he describes the crazy love God gives and is.

It seems God is a crazy God for brother Francis. Hmm… Very cool.

God should be a crazy God for me as well, if the God is the same God of Francis, if He is the God of Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Noah, Moses, Joshua, Samson, Deborah, Gideon, David, Elijah, John the Baptist, and Jesus.

But it’s so hard for me to relate to such a God. I don’t really know Him. I’ve always been the center and He’s been the peripheral. I’ve been striving so much to be a good Christian to make myself feel good and to win approvals. I’ve been turning to people, things, and myself when He alone can save. It is about me.

God is indeed crazy. God, You are crazy. But God, this head knowledge everyone may know is not enough. For I want to experience you deepest to my bones. My soul longs to know you. God, help my unbelief in your way, show me you are a good God.

God, help me!

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“I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind,” the king said in Ecclesiastes 1:14. And this is how I understand it: Many beautiful things can happen in my life, yet they all will pass away and can never satiate me.

But even it is like chasing after the wind, I still want to try to keep the moments and laughters that give me happiness. (It’s sad when you think even the blog will pass away in the end. Or who cares?)

  • No.1: Grocery shopping at C-Market in Chinatown. When you see so many Chinese in front of various Chinese food, it makes you feel like you are shopping for the Spring Festival. It is even more real when you go there with two Chinese and buy food that will feed almost 150 people (and most of them are Chinese). Go try it if you can!
  • No.2: Drinking two glasses of red wine. You may have noticed Paul used to suggest Timothy drink some wine to warm his stomach. Haha. I like this Paul. So when my family and I had dinner tonight–Chinese food of course–I tried two glasses of red wine. It was so good! Uncle Dongxue made fun of my blush saying, “You don’t have to wear make-up, Daoxin, you look really pretty.” Haha. I like him more. See, human love is so conditional.
  • No.3: Light is on when you get home. The sweetness almost made me cry. “Yay! She is at home.” This is the best thing that can ever happen when you have someone in your life.

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I guess what I need to deal with seriously is to learn to how to face myself when I am alone and accept who I am – a sinful person with nothing good apart from God.

God, be with me!

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